My first column! I’m so excited…
Well… here it goes…
To pay back… or not to pay back.. that’s the question
There are days that I look at situations in my life and my ‘no mercy’ mode is triggered. That’s not my fault… I’m an ego and that’s my only excuse. Nowadays I have to live by the rules Ernestine has come up with for me, but boy… there were times when I was ready for battle on a daily basis. If someone offended me, which was not so hard to do, I can tell you… I would jump up and react immediately.
One of my favourite activities was to think of ways to make the other person pay. I mean, if we let people get away with insults, bad behaviour, not recognizing us… where would we end up? Thinking of ways to make the other person feel the same pain was comforting way of dealing with my own pain. An eye for an eye.. right! No mercy! It never crossed my mind that the other person may have had an explanation or acted out of pain too… No, come on, if you do the crime, you do the time. Revenge was in order and it would have to fit the situation perfectly. I used to act fast in the early days…
As I endured more painful situations, I learned to take more time to come up with the perfect pay back plan. Sometimes I would consult a colleague ego to see if my plan was solid. Oh how good it felt to tell another ego my story and we would laugh our socks off visualizing how the other person would eat dirt. I’m honest enough that Ernestine has taught me some wise lessons. She made me see that revenge isn’t always sweet. After the payback I wouldn’t feel as good as I thought I would and strange as it may seem… I kept walking in the same circle. Similar situations would happen time after time… It looked like pay back didn’t make the problem I had go away… I still have the urge to think of viscious plans once in a while… but I don’t act upon it anymore…
The answer is… not to pay back and let it be… even if it takes some trouble resisting the urge..
Love from Betty
